The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).

B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to very hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, well-being, and love .

When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that numerous of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically try this web-site in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

Nonetheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish Get More Info to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow with time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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